Research shows that couples in romantic relationships are happier and have higher self-esteem than passionate couples or relationships based on friendship. Romance isn’t about grand gestures on Valentines day it is about regular everyday kindness and thoughtfulness without expecting something in return. It is about everyday affection such as hugs and hand holding and saying “I love you”. Making time to sit down with each other and taking 15-30 minutes everyday, giving each other your complete attention when talking and listening. Learning to express and take ownership of your own feelings so that you aren’t storing up your resentments such as “when you said or did this I felt hurt” instead of “you hurt me”.
Holding your feelings back for long periods of time can lead to health problems and a decreased ability to cope with stress. If you find you can’t talk without one or the other getting angry, put the conversation on hold for a while to let yourselves calm down and discuss it again later. If that doesn’t help you might benefit from couples counselling. Learn to recognise when you or your partner are letting off steam and the anger is aimed at the wrong person. If you are on the receiving end try to give the person space to calm down and let them know it is inappropriate later. If it is you misdirecting your anger, try to find other ways of discharging it. If you feel you are stuck in a rut, introduce some new activities into the relationship either together or separately both will bring a new dimension to the relationship.
Equally if your sex life is in a rut or you are experiencing problems, find a way to talk about it or introduce something new. Keep it lighthearted, laughing at yourselves is more likely to keep things relaxed rather than putting pressure on each other.
We are not the same person this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.
W. Somerset Maugham
Some people will read the above quote and be able to relate to it with many of todays relationship difficulties. Sometimes we need a person who is not so close to us to help recognise our relationship problems.
The way I work with couples counselling is by building on what you already know and by helping you to increase awareness of how you communicate and how you are in relation to the other. I encourage you to speak openly and help you to clarify any misunderstandings or misinterpretations of the others perspective.
Valentine offer……..Take advantage of a free consultation available throughout February.
If you would like any further information I will be happy to speak to you.